when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
