I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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