we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
