You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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