it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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