for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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