Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
