i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
