he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
