We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
