We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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