Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize