a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize