I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
