Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
