Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
