My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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