Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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