I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
