I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
