my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
