my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
