we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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