Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
