It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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