i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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