I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.