turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.