i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
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We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.