i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.