I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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