i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky