covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
being pregnant is like rehab
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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