drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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