So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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