White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
