I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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