broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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