Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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