so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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