I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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