$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
