I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
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Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
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Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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