you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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