Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
