I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize