I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
