I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
