I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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