I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
