im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
