Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
