Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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