I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
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You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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