id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
