It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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