I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
