i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
