im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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