1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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