why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
