I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
