You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
