This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
