There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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