I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
