Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
