Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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