even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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