So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tell her she can't have a vagina
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
