I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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