felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
