I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
