the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
