we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
