Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
this will be a night to untag.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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