I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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