oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
