what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
