Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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