Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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