I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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