I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
