That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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