if you like me you must not know who I am
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
