I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
